Teen Dating Violence (TDV) is a type of intimate partner violence that is defined to include physical, sexual, emotional, and technological abuse between young people in a current or past relationship.
Thirty-three percent of teens experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with before they become adults. Nearly 1.5 million high school students in the United States experience physical abuse by a dating partner in a single year. Violent behavior often begins between the ages of 12 and 18.
Teen Dating Violence can create long-term consequences that may last beyond the end of a relationship and well into adulthood. Young people experiencing TDV are more likely to: engage in substance abuse, like using tobacco, drugs, and alcohol; experience depression and anxiety; attend school irregularly due to feeling unsafe; develop a negative body image and feel uncomfortable with their sexuality; have suicidal ideations and attempts; find it difficult to establish an adult identity; and be at higher risk of experiencing dating violence in young adulthood.
Check out our resource page to connect with support locally, in-person, and online, and with national organizations ready to help.
The do's and dont's of a healthy relationship
Do encourage your partner to spend time with their friends without you and participate in activities they enjoy. Friendly Reminder: Keep your life balanced. Find what interests you and get involved.
Do have calm conversations with your partner about your anxieties rather than breaking their trust.
Do set expectations on what you find acceptable (or not) in their actions towards you online. Be firm, but flexible.
Do encourage your partner to be comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you. Both partners should feel safe, heard, and not judged. Respect is mutual.
Do tell your partner if you can’t respond or want to have the conversation in-person.
It may not be the right environment for important topics. Do try to communicate with your partner in-person when you are both calm and ready to have an open conversation.
Do make sure your partner feels physically and emotionally safe. Consent is always necessary.
Do allow for trust to build over time. Be open and honest, stay consistent, and be respectful.
No one can be everything we might want them to be. Do accept people as they are.
Friendly Reminder: Healthy relationships are made of real people!
Teen dating violence does exist online
Technology is used as a tool for relationships. Eight percent of American teens have met a romantic partner online. Seventy-two percent spend time texting their partner daily. Forty-four percent say that social media makes them feel emotionally closer to their romantic partner. Twenty-seven say that social media makes them feel jealous or unsure about their partner.
Digital dating violence is the use of technologies like texting and social media to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner.
One in four high school students have experienced digital dating violence. Eighty-one percent of teens that have experienced digital dating abuse have also experienced other forms of abuse, physical and emotional. Boys are more likely to experience digital dating abuse.
- Controlling who you can or can’t follow or be friends with on social media.
- Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails.
- Using social media to track your activities.
- Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online, including posting unflattering photos or videos.
- Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages.
- Stealing or pressuring you to share your account passwords.
- Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone.
- Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records.
- Pressuring you to share your location through phone apps.
Your space, time, and energy are yours! Online and in person. Share it with people who will respect it.
If you have any questions or concerns, we are here to help. Check out our resource page to connect with support locally, in-person and online, and with national organizations ready to help.
How to have healthy conversations about healthy relationships: A handbook for parents
Take a moment to reflect on your own relationship values. How do you expect your partner to act in your own relationship? How should people behave when they disagree? How do you share decisions making in a relationship? Make sure that you can explain your reasoning and can support it with examples.
Many young people are first exposed to social norms of dating by their peers in the locker room, at slumber parties, or on social media. It is important to take time to understand where your child’s opinions about dating are coming from and give them clear examples of what is appropriate behavior in a dating relationship.
Young people romanticizing dating relationships is normal...but let your children know that all relationships have ups and downs. Stress that regardless of the situation, physical, sexual, emotional, or technological abuse is never acceptable. Teach boundaries; how to assert their own boundaries and how to respect those that their partner set. Don’t avoid uncomfortable topics of sex and sexuality.
It's safe to say "No". Teach consent — a lack of "No" does not mean "Yes". When things cannot be settled in conflict, teach children to take a break and cool down before feelings get hurt. Model these behaviors in your own relationships, including your relationship with your children.
Calming techniques: Counting backwards from ten to one, deep breathing, visualizing a peaceful scene or happy memory, reassuring themselves that they are in control of your emotions and walking away.
Teach basic problem-solving techniques: Identifying an issue. Figuring out several different ways in which it can be resolved. Considering the consequences of each of the alternatives. Discussing their choice is a great way to build these skills. You'll want to give them the tools they need to feel confident in being able to figure out solutions.
Help your children understand that compromising and taking turns are positive steps to a healthy relationship. Violence, threats, and insults have no place in respectful negotiation. Communicate emotions. Share each person's point of view. Find options that allow both people to "win."
Help young people understand that warning signs of abuse in a relationship are predictors of very serious problems that are very likely to continue and escalate.
→ Check out our other posts on Teen Dating Violence to learn more on warning signs of Dating Abuse.
Young people may wish to keep some parts of their relationship private from adults, and this is okay. Help them understand that secrecy that isolates them from friends and family entirely, however, can be the first sign of manipulation and coercion. Teach your kids that being strong can also mean relying on their support systems, from friends, to parents and teachers, to the police, if necessary.
Young people learn by observing those around them, especially trusted adults and role models. It is critical that you respect yourself, your partner, and other people, particularly when you have bumps in your own relationships. Now older, the child begins a relationship with someone. Modeling healthy disagreement and problem-solving, including with your children, can have a lasting impact on their own behaviors.
Always remember to be patient, be open, be relevant to your children’s current needs, be a healthy role model, and keep the conversations going.
Content was produced by Break The Cycle. You can find more information and the original resource guide at this link www.breakthecycle.org and check out our resource page to connect with support locally, in-person and online, and with national organizations ready to help.
Healthy relationships bill of rights with partners, friends, and family
- Be myself. To be my whole self without having to make changes to make others happy.
- Privacy. To create boundaries, online and in-person.
- Grow and change.
- Pursue my dreams.
- Feel all my emotions. To feel angry, happy, sad, frustrated, confused, and everything else.
- Maintain other relationships with friends, family, or my career.
- Be safe. To live free from abuse of any kind, be it emotional, physical, sexual, or technological.
- Say “No” and to disagree.
- End the relationship.
- Be treated as an equal.
- Love and be loved.
- Put myself first. To sometimes prioritize my needs and well-being.
- Be happy. To live a life that is full of joy and laughter, and warmth.
Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) calls attention to the fact that sexual violence is widespread and impacts every person in the community. SAAM aims to raise public awareness about sexual violence and educate communities about how to prevent it.
Sexual violence is an umbrella term that includes any type of unwanted sexual contact — including sexual assault, harassment, and abuse.
Young people romanticizing dating relationships is normal...but let your children know that all relationships have ups and downs. Stress that regardless of the situation, physical, sexual, emotional, or technological abuse is never acceptable. Teach boundaries; how to assert their own boundaries and how to respect those that their partner set. Don’t avoid uncomfortable topics of sex and sexuality.
One in four American women report completed or attempted rape in their lifetime.
Systems of oppression contribute to higher rates of sexual harassment, assault, and abuse. CDC reports two in five (39%) female victims of rape had a disability at the time of the rape. Forty-seven percent of all transgender people surveyed report having been sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. One in four non-Hispanic Black women and two in five non-Hispanic American Indian / Alaskan Native and non-Hispanic multiracial women report having been raped in their lifetime.
Demand all individuals, communities, organizations, and institutions to change ourselves and the systems surrounding us to build racial equity and respect. Commit to ending all forms of oppression to end sexual violence worldwide.
Check out our resource page to connect with support locally, in-person and online, and with national organizations ready to help.
The do's and don'ts of having conversations about sexual assault
Some people find themselves in a situation in which a friend wants to disclose their sexual assault. It is not an easy challenge, but we want to help you navigate these difficult conversations.
Be fully present and let your friend decide how much they share. Don’t criticize or judge.
Let your friend know, “It is not your fault.” Don't victim-blame. It is never the fault of the survivor.
Don’t take control — just listen.
Don't emphasize your emotions over those of your friend.
Setting physical boundaries is a part of feeling safe.
Let them know that support is available through hotlines, community centers, and trusted adults in your community.
This topic is difficult for everyone. It is okay to find your own support system if you need it. Don’t try to “fix” the situation — support by listening an being present.
Check out our resource page to connect with support locally, in-person and online, and with national organizations ready to help.